I seem to be experiencing a writers block. Not because I don't know what to say, I just don't know how to say it. I've typed at least four paragraphs that I have gone back and deleted. Rather than trying to be witty, funny, sensitive or even educational in my approach to this subject- I'll just type whatever nonsense spills forth. If it makes sense to me- that is all that matters.
I check my Yahoo email this morning- article about a miscarriage misdiagnoses. Lucky them.
A lot of my friends face book status' have been about their recent discover of Lisa Ling's new website Secret Society of Women. She unfortunatly had the experience of a miscarriage not to long ago. Her website is a lot like PostSecret. Right now there is a secret posted that says "I took Plan B so I didnt have your boyfriends baby." A few weeks back my Facebook status said something along the lines of "I now know 11 people that are pregnant and I hope it isn't contagious!"
That number is now 14. Its EVERYWHERE!
Some of these new babies are going to be born to first time parents that are very close to Mike and myself. We can't wait to watch these children grow and listen to how excited, sleep deprived, in love and completely overwhelmed these adults turned parental units are going to be. Its an amazing and exhausting experience. Nothing, absolutely nothing compares to becoming a parent. I've been blessed with the chance to experience this over and over and over again. All this miscarriage speak made me kiss each one of my babies an extra time or two today.
Unfortunately, for as many as new babies are being born in our circle of friends, miscarriage has touched our lives too. Its a pretty taboo subject. No one wants to talk about it. Chances are you know multiple people that have experienced at least one without actually knowing they have been affected by this. Its heart breaking and often misunderstood. But its common. Really, really common. One of those things that just make me want to say "Fuck" because there is no other word. Fuck. FUCK FUCK FUCK. For my best friend, friends from long ago that have shared their recent experiences with me, friends whose experiences I do not know about, and for myself. Today, right now, it is for myself.
On Tuesday the number of pregnant people I knew was 15. On Wednesday it was 14. I had a blood test which confirmed a pregnancy dated around 5 weeks. It was a bittersweet moment considering the reason I had that test done was because I was experiencing, well, we'll just say that I was experiencing "girl issues". A follow up sonogram did confirm that unlike the lucky couple in the Yahoo article, I did indeed miscarry. This is not the first time. Fourth, actually. One can only hope that it is the last.
I feel like a grade A shitbag for even being mad considering I have three handsome little men. But the other part of me says I have every right to be sad. A few people know. A few more will know now. I wasn't planning on saying anything but its been in my face the last few days. Its actually nice to see "media coverage" considering it is a subject that affects so many people but no one talks about. No reason for me to not talk about it. Any questions, you know how to reach me.
So there. That's that. It sucks. I hate it. FUCK FUCK FUCK. And please, if you're currently expecting, no need to walk on egg shells around me. I'm not any less excited for you and yours. In fact- I cant wait until you're up twelve times at night, unshowered smellin like sour baby puke and up to your eyeballs in nipple cream, poopie diapers and breast pump manuals! Its the best thing ever.
By Request, A Recipe Big Ass Maker Kit Kat Cookie Bars
Box of club crackers (75ish crackers)
2 cups graham cracker crumbs
1 cup firmly packed brown sugar
1 cup butter
1/2 cup whole milk
1/3 cup white sugar
2/3 cup creamy peanut butter
1/2 cup butterscotch chips
1/2 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips
Line an ungreased 13x9 inch baking pan with 1 layer of crackers. Cut them to fit. Set Aside.
In a large saucepan, melt butter over medium heat. Add cracker crumbs, brown sugar, milk, and sugar. Bring to a boil for 5 minutes, stirring constantly. Remove from heat and pour half of the butter mixture evenly over crackers. Place another layer of crackers evenly over the butter mixture. Pour remaining butter mixture evenly over crackers. Top with remaining club crackers.
In another saucepan, combine peanut butter, chocolate and butterscotch chips. Melt over medium heat, stirring constantly. Spread evenly over crackers. Cover and chill for at least 90 minutes. Cut into bars and store in refrigerator.
You don't have to use peanut butter. They still taste amazing without it.
Make sure you wear an apron or something you don't mind getting messy. This can get really sticky. Especially when you have little ones helping you out.
I can't take the credit for coming up with this concoction. I have no clue what it's from. I've just been making them for a long time.
As most of you know, I have three little boys. Three LOUD little boys. They have manners. They usually know how to act in public. Usually. However, I cant shop for them when theyre with me. Even if I could I really wouldnt want to. I enjoy shopping alone. Since Mike is so far away I really dont have that option very often. So- I've become an internet shopping junkie over the last few years. With the lil man being only a year old, I can pretty much drag him all over hell while his "Super Brovers" are in school. (Think Super Grover from Sesame Street. Means well. Kinda slow. Wears a helmet.) But its sooo cold here I really dont like shopping with him either.
Enter my Amazon addiction. Adding fuel to the fire is my love of Swagbucks. Its a search engine. Like Google, Bing etc. You earn swagbucks by searching, watching videos just like on YouTube, code hunts, completing offers, referring friends. Tons of ways. A $5 dollar Amazon gift card is only 450 swagbucks. You can stack an unlimited amout of these $5 dollar cards in your Amazon account and they cover shipping fees if you have any. You can also turn your swagbucks into cash through paypal gift cards. When C-Dub was born, RangerDick and I made the decision for me to not return to work or school. He's 550 miles away for 3-4 weeks at a time. Bouncing two boys with their own activities and a newborn around with sitters just wasn't an option. I wouldn't get them home until 10-1030 at night. That isn't something we were comfortable with.
Swagbucks and Amazon honestly closed a little bit of the missing money gap for us. If you sign up through that link, you'll start out with 30 swagbucks in your account and I will get a bonus for "referring" you.
Things that I have bought this year using these two wonderful sites:
There is a few more things but these seem most relevent this time of year. My point is- there is a lot to be had for next to nothing. It takes a little bit of work but I can help. Looking for something specific? I may be able to help find it. Just ask.
All opinions are my own and I was in no way compensated for giving you my two cents.
About an hour ago, while in the middle of the "Go get ready for bed" chaos that is the eight o'clock hour in my house, my dad called. He called to check on my boys and let me know that he got my link. He was proud to announce that he is my first official stalker follower. In typical fatherly fashion, he questioned my plans and what I was going to write about. Then this happened:
Me: "Gentleman. Go get pajamas on and brush your teeth."
Amazingly I only had to say it once.
Five minutes later:
Me: "What is all over you!? What did you do?"
AJ: "Well. Umm. I was going pee. Uh, and I had an itch on my arm. Mom.... I peed on myself. And the floor. And the garbage can."
Me: "Are you serious? You peed on yourself? Who itches their arm while holding their junk?!!!"
That's right, it says AJ. Ayden Joshua. Not Keegan. Not the child that usually gives into the urge to scrub my shower tiles during unsupervised teeth brushing. It was the other one. The kid dubbed "Neutron" by his classmates. The kid who is always helping his friends in class. Not my most proud moment involving him. But my father was cracking up. He then went on to answer his own question. "I guess that is what you'll be writing about."
I seem to have a lot to say these days. Some care. Some don't. I'm fine with it either way. Because of that- I have made the decision to Blog. I have friends and family all over the place and am very thankful for technology making it easier for us to keep in touch. Everyone is able to see my children grow, read the absurd things my 6 year old comes up with, all the while keeping an eye on me to make sure that I'm dealing with everything that has been thrown my way.
This isnt going to be a sob story or a BooHooBlahBlahBlah kinda blog. Its all about life, my beautiful boys, couponing, a forced long distance relationship, my addiction to coffee and shopping on Amazon. I will write what I want, when I want and probably use horrid grammar and the wrong punctuation. I start sentences with the word "And" even though I know its improper. I sometimes like to use the word "Fuck". AND no, its not because I'm uneducated and have no other words. It's because sometimes there are no other words. This is my cozy little corner of the internet and I will say what I please. (Without being disrespectful, racist, etc. Thats not my style.) The story may not always flow, but its a good story none the less.
Please stay around as a follower, learn to rely on me for fab product reviews, shopping/coupon advice, and of course the never ending stories that usually start something like "OMG I could kill Keegan for saying/doing/writing/etc" Never a dull moment, folks. Never.
Comments are always welcome. I just ask that you be respectful. I don't blog stalk you and say mean things. (Or do I?!)